New Day Star

 Hey stargazers,  So it happened, I changed my name AGAIN.  A lot has happened since my last post. I'm back in Newfoundland now and the divorce went through in December.  Things here have been quiet for the most part, there's always going to be family drama though but that's life.  Work is going okayish which is all I can hope for with the way my job is.  Today I have a seminar on mental health burnout which should be interesting or boring. Either way, I plan on getting some work done during it because I have a huge deadline this week I need to meet and I'm writing this on a fifteen so bare with me!  My name is back to my maiden name Vanessa M but somehow they dropped two of my middle names on my ID which makes me now Vanessa Lillian M which I like, though I'd have loved to have Katherine on it because that's where the K comes from in VKC.  Mary, I'm not so much a fan because it's religious. I swear to god every catholic child born in the last 100...

So the title of today's post is actually a question; Does a new name mean a new identity? The reason for this question is because I recently got married and my new ID's have come in with my married name on them. Placing my current ID next to my new one I can't help but see little to no similarities between the two women before me. My Newfoundland ID not only holding my now maiden name but also a picture of, well it honestly looks like a mug shot. Looking at it I remember the day I got this picture taken, it was the weekend prior to my 19th birthday which in Newfoundland was a big deal because I was about to be a 'legal' adult and be able to buy liquor, cigarettes, have a credit card..etc all the 'fun stuff' that came with being an 'adult' or what my mind thought five years ago meant being an adult, boy was she in for a rude awakening. She had been cranky because the clerk refused to not put the 'idiot strip' (eighteen year old me...

So while studying today I found an old jotted down memory from my very first year of university. It made me think back to simpler times. So in the spirit of exactly that I thought I'd share this sweet little memory. New Day, September 17th 2012  I sit quietly in the middle of upper campus in the mid day sun, classes are slowly emptying themselves with each passing moment. This school holds an eclectic mix of races, sexuality, genders and styles, it's a wonder why this place is called a liberal arts institution and not a circus at times. I myself a born outsider, no true home but the pages in her notebook. At times it's amazing to be living like a bird calling no place home but the sky in which that holds my ever free falling soul. Drifting in and out of time and space, this life has become but pages in and old worn diary with a new chapter each day, with the good and bad even funny. It's hard to recall a sad moment in life when all you can do is smile. Like sneez...

You're gonna walk across the court yard, this is how I'll remember you with your head high and strutting across the path. I'm gonna smile as if I'll see you Monday in class. This is how I'll remember you. These were the words of one of the girls I have had class with for the last year as we waved goodbye to one another knowing full well after that day we would likely never see one another again. We've sat together every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for two semesters in a row, somehow managing to be in the same musical theory class and then in the same journalism class. Wednesday was a hard day because it was my last day of classes ever at St. Thomas. Walking through the school felt different, it was the last time I would see it this packed and this alive. I told my theory professor what an honor it was to have learned under him, he was one of my favorites as he had written most of the books I had used in Criminology in my time here and his words were easy...

So it's been a long time since I wrote, seems like the last time I sat down and actually wrote something meaningful was the last time I sat in this very spot and contemplated where my life was going. Seems like that is what I have been doing a lot lately, because my life certainly has changed a lot since the last time I wrote. But first I'd like to share something about myself that I don't really think anyone knows about me, unless they've seen me bawling over the endings of shows... well the series finales then they might know this. I hate endings. A few moments ago I re watched for the second time (only second because again I hate endings) the Republic of Doyle series finale. Now I'm a pretty emotional person to begin with, added with the very fact that in the episode the two leads fought to be together, one of them ended up in the hospital while pregnant and a few gun shot wounds (she was pregnant before hand) and then when her boyfriend found her the look ...

As summer draws to a close I feel as if this week is in a way last call.... Hedley a band I note has been a favorite of mine since I was a kid has a song that pretty vividly depicts last call in both a bar and life in my mind. About three weeks ago my current partner asked me out of the blue if I'd like to join her on her leave from the military to go see her family for two weeks or so in Ottawa to which I quickly agreed having been excited to spend some quality time with both her and her family while seeing a new part of the country. So away we went, driving for nearly thirteen hours, with the most confusing and infuriating pit stop in Montreal to pick up a friend who had bargained to drive part of the way in exchange for a ride back to Ottawa... we met him in the literal BIGGEST mall I've ever been in.... to those of you who haven't been to the Rideau Centre in Montreal... brace yourselves if you're like me and hate crowds in small places it will send you into ...